Thursday, October 05, 2006

Divorce and its effect on families

Ok, it sounds like a term paper but it is not - it is my life. Well, the divorce part is not mine but a good friends. And wow! this is the closest friend I have ever had that has gone through this and it is terrible!! It does not help that the husband has gone over the edge, but it is really out of control.

These people lived down the street from us. Remi got to be good friends with two of the kids in the family - best friends with one of the kids. We played baseball together, the kids played together and Jodi and I found lots in common. We liked them. And then right before Thanksgiving last year there was cops, fire engines and an ambulance at their house one evening. And from there, it has been so hard. They have been a mess with him drinking too much and being threatening and her just trying to figure out what to do that is best for her kids.

Somehow, we have ended up with a part in the drama. I know that she is doing the best that she knows how for her kids but they have totally changed! Remi has had a really hard time being a good friend to his best friend. But she has been so mean and I know it is just that she is hurting inside and she is really a mess. I worry about those kiddos! Remi's friend was once a nice kiddo and now she says terrible things to Remi and she is just no longer a good friend. We have talked a lot about what it means to be a friend and just how far do you continue to support a friend in a bad situation when you are getting hurt. It is soooo hard on Rem because it is after all his best friend and I can tell he wants it just to be like it used to be. But it is not and now we are trying to help him learn these painful but important lessons. Rem is a very good hearted kid and he is very empathetic to others but by being that kind of kid he opens himself up to hurt in relationships. So, I am hoping that while this has been really hard he will be a better person for it. And in the mean time, we are limiting the amount of time that they spend together and I am almost always with them when they are together so that I can intervene when I need to - and I do. And I do also worry about his friend and the two other kids in the family. The mind games that are going on in front of those kids is amazing!!! And they are just so different and I just am not sure how the good kids are going to get back to their normal selves.

I don't know, I am mostly rambling now, but I just feel overwhelmed by this whole thing - and it is not even my divorce that I am going through! I think that they now are going to move to her home with her family in Georgia. And while I will miss them I am actually glad for them to go for two reasons. One, I think they need to go and get away from the man in the family until he is sober and thinking straight. And most importantly to me, even though I know that Remi is going to be upset, he needs a new friend that is nice to him and not so much work and not so hurtful! I hate it when people hurt my kid's feelings - especially someone who is his best friend.


Catherine said...

So sad the ripple effects things like this have....

Laura said...

Divorce is a hard thing for everyone involved. I hope everything turns back around for the kids.